To start the confusion, “We have friends who know us and we have enemies who know us better”….quite an absurd one, I don’t know who has written may be anonymous or that anonymous is me, but in anycase its true. Well the gruelling thing is we love and hate the same thing(s)/person(s) in our life. We know how our mind works and what is the best thing we could do to finish a job (or whatever) but still we do those things which would lead to mistakes and sometimes failure. Well if everyone has started to get confused by now then we should proceed to the next level of confusion

Here will be a series of examples to prove confusion :

As a kid I liked my mom’s hand made (cooked) vegetables very much, especially ladyfinger. It was my favorite, in fact at that time could eat 1kg on my own mom used to say, “hey, why don’t you let us have just 1 bite, lets see what it tastes like”, and my response was, “mom, please make some other vegetable for yourself” That was me when I was almost 9 years old. As I grew up, coming to the age of titans I mean teens where everyone think of themselves as a grown up, to be known as mature, wish to have girlfriends, bikes, and many things which if started writing would be an endless list and my blog would never end Anyways, in my teens, I don’t know what happened, my inclination towards MY ladyfinger became YOUR ladyfinger, to the limit that I couldn’t bear the smell of it and didn’t want to look at it. The secenario was completely opposite, “Mom please make some other vegetable for me or give me money so that I could  have my lunch outside!” and presently when everybody expects you to act in a mature way, my likeliness and enemity has come to a standstill, where I have lost any kind of inclination towards MY ladyfinger, YOUR ladyfinger, it became whosoever, now can eat it without making faces

Hey did you realize what my confusion was or is??

 

As a Teenager:

Ahaa ! Everybody would be having sparkling eyes, some really fascinating memories, “wish I could again get back to my golden days”, bunch of good friends surrounding a food stall, ice-cream vendor, birthday parties with shots of cold drinks (ahem ahem!! “alcohol is injurious to health”, father says :) ), dance parties, picnic and what not… those beautiful days. One more things want to share because I love it, when on my bicycle from school to home, saw some of my classmates with their girlfriends (which use to change like clothes or to be frank to say like underwears!) on their motorbike. Uffff….the strength of jealousness was such that I could only manage to puncture his bike Once dared to ask parents to purchase one motorbike, but the answer was, ” NO! first finish your studies, then would think about it !” Then, what could else happen, left the thought of having a girlfriend cause no bike no girlfriend!  Then pledged to have at least one girlfriend when i’ll be a salaried person, in the mean while, most of the girl who were initiating their confusion, dreaming to be my girlfriend , were rejected like anything (how mean of me, those cute ones, wow! what a gorgeous, damn shit wish I could ever see her!!;) ). Sometimes I do think what was that, was it my confusion or was removing my confusion…or still a confusion !! Anyway, now I am a salaried person, I still don’t have a girlfriend, and the best part lost the will to have one!

Now look, after reading everybody is recalling their past, boys: wish I could have proposed that girl, and the girls: wish I could just meet him once and sit next to him holding his hand!

Now did you realize that how much is the confusion, or is it still present ??

 

As a Mature:

Umm….the word really is a big mystery to me, can’t say anything, whatever thought is coming wish I could pour over to this blog, but I guess this maturity is stopping me! See! this maturity is stopping me from my happines, whatever I feel I am unable to express, thinking if anybody would read then would think of me as a freak, idiot or straight away immature. In fact putting this word ‘idiot’ I am again thinking to delete it! This maturity has many a times made me helpless(!!), cause each time when I think of something cool, to behave like a 5 year kid, I have to hold myself, shackle it and throw it in a dark corner, can’t say a friend a friend, can’t talk rubbish like a teenager, because we are mature have to fullfill others expectation, to be serious always, to behave MATURE!! See the confusion: lost the flow of humor and ended in a serious tone!

Did you realize anything, was confusion self created or by something/someone else?? This question is in itself a confusion!

Hey everyone ! if anybody is able to get out of this confusion or able to decipher my(???) confusion then please contact me

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy !

Well I guess, the opposite is also true, but how ??

Office hours start at 7:00AM, straight away moving to my Boss’ office for signing the attendance register. Sitting for atleast an hour (daily!) in front of him then for leave, have to ask, “should I leave Sir!” or perhaps if any day failed sit for an hour, the 1st question delivered is, ”Vinayak, what’s going on in your work area ?” straight away giving an indication, ”Please Vinayak, stand in front of the firing range, I didn’t had anything in breakfast!” and the stage is all set for the battle of Haridwar (not major, only minor ) and so what happens in every 10 days. Trying to defend myself from the guns pointing towards me, each bullet having the capacity to tatter me (mind!) in atleast 5000 pieces or may be more, somehow I defend myself like Neo from the movie Matrix

 

All exhausted and bruised (not physically!), I straight away move to my glass room (better to say a Test post), for the morning e-mails, some motivational, inspirational, funny, some general knowledge and my favorite, Horoscopes, which generally turns out to be opposite of the days experience  After uplifting, with slow steps I move to another work station and all through my work area noting and jotting down the discrepancy of the jobs (as is required by a Quality Officer). This process takes around 1 hour and then, back to my chair in front my partner in each moment, my computer. It has witnessed my all kind of days be it happy, anger, anguish, hatred, tranquil, and sometime jealous (after all I am also a human being, I got some feelings ;) ) This was my whole day work (most of the time) which is over by 10:00AM (working hours are till 4:00PM), and then the most distressing part, have to sit idle for the rest of my day!

Well, one of my friend whom I say my younger bro has a motto, “I wanted to be workaholic but can’t do maintenance”, and I have, “I wanted to be workaholic but my job made me to procrastinate”. I love my job very much, but don’t want to spend my working hours without gaining anything, without any experience! Maneuvering myself not to get into the habbit of sitting idle, I read, write, sometimes have chat through mails, but always there’s a question in mind, “uptill when ??” This sticking feeling when expressed to my colleagues, their words are, ” Wow! Vinayak you are in good condition, atleast you have time to take rest, not like ours!” as if they don’t get a hint from my body getting transformed from V shape to Round shape. When asked to the colleagues, “are you ready to exchange our jobs?”, the answer is, Silence! I guess there is much difference between saying and working!

Anyways… after all this, I have managed to come out, hmmmm….how ??

Now, after my daily chores, have started talking to members of the area, individually, spending minimum of an hour with an individual. Taking some personal issue, work related, anything which they want to change for their benefit and to the organization. Talking to them makes a lot of difference to my personality as well as grooming and helping the personals, improving the Quality of their life and mine! …somewhat doing the job of an HR  May be a day will come when I’ll receive more salutations than my boss and an year after my GM :) If some more time left, I usually go to other departments to gain knowledge of other jobs as well. The time left is now being despatched perfectly to my working area, lending my mind to keep fresh and agile.

Now I have all day to work and play!  

 

Well want to write more……to be contd…  

After a longggggg…. thought, I guess almost 2 yrs, I am willing to join the league of writers :) and somehow arranging the courage in bits n pieces, I am going to spill my thoughts   Aur kehte hain na successful are those who makes mistakes, so I am ready to commit some mistakes, hann..ek aur baat jo log kehte hain…..jo log apni madad khud karte hain, to bhagwan bhi unki madad in karta hai!

Hey! I am not here to give any gyan wardhak baatein or some philosophical lecture, well everybody has a great intellect and a preacher inside, but everybody can’t be Aashraam baapu ( sorry, if it hurt any bodies sentiment! ) and no one listens if u are ordinary…..ok ok aaise baatein soch k…lagta hai kisi ki aatman body mein aagayi hai

Anyways……beginning my carrier in writing, like every novice, afraid to write, what to write, what would people think, will it make sense, bla bla bla, I am scared too. Lets see, if I am able to hold on my nerves and put some idea. Before starting, I want to tell u, one my close friend says, “ You write pretty long mails, kya koi choti mail nahi leekh sakte, padhte padhte subha se shaam ho jaati hai…“. So for you my dear, I’ll try to write a comprehensive one and to the point!

Hmmmm….I would like to share what happened day before yesterday….

 

 

After a half day rain (sounds like half day school ), sitting outside in balcony after my not so hectic day was enjoying my moment of life. Actually when I was sitting there (balcony), I was witnessing the most beautiful scene after stepping into this city what people call Hari ka Dwar. Really, on that day, it was literally hari ka dwar!

In front of me were thick heavy clouds with sun’s rays falling on them, some of them appeared to be in purple, some grey and some white and below it, was a lush green field with all types of plant (sorry can’t tell u what type of plants, thanks to my great knowledge of botanical species….and ya of course I am an engineer!) , different kinds of birds chirping, playing, some hunting insects, sounds of cricket(insect ), frogs( as it’s common during rains) and some other species which were hidden under the greenery. The melody, the rhythm, the divinity, it was just magnificent, everything seemed to be a part of bliss as if they were welcoming God! And I was there to capture the moment in my heart coz I think no camera is build up to date, to capture anything better than a human eye and heart! Reading newspaper, chewing some cashew nuts, I was more distracted by the artist of the heavens, so couldn’t go further with reading and sat down silently, capturing each minute of the abyss.

Everything was so pleasant that I wanted to share it with someone, but guess what, whenever u require anyone urgently, then u don’t get ! That’s why I am here to at least give u all a glimpse of the moment, a little bit late, but as fresh as I have just seen it!